Pandemic: May

I wonder when going to a restaurant is going to feel normal again. It was such a nothing thing before, to pop into a place and grab a bite. Now it feels momentous.

We had talked about travelling more with the baby, getting on a plane sooner than we had with our preschooler. I’d never quite had the energy to drive that forward, and now it seems like we’ll be waiting a few years anyway. There’s still a line for ‘vacations’ in our budget. It’s not hope; it’s inertia.

The hardest is school. I don’t really work, I can carry on with childcare indefinitely but for the grind and the muscle and joint strain–there’s no massages yet, though I wonder if I could get someone to set up a table in my backyard? But this was the year my oldest was to start kindergarten, and I don’t know what that will be like if it happens. I had counted on his daycare preparing him for the transition to kindergarten–it’s the same building–but who knows what any of this will be like?

I wonder when we can see the dinosaurs at the museum again, and the sharks at the aquarium.

There are places where things are better. We could have been one of those places, but for politics and incompetence.

I don’t think the baby will get swings for her birthday in July. One of our books says she at the age where she’ll learn to wave bye-bye when people leave, but people don’t leave. The preschooler wants two friends over for his birthday in August. Our last shopper is better at picking ripe pears than I am. I guess that’s something.

The world is angry about the same old garbage and we’re tired of this new garbage. Those early days when the internet seemed caring and helpful again are gone.

On some days, I believe we’ll be out of this. I watch the numbers daily, I have favourite epidemiologists and dashboards. It’s okay if it’s not quite normal as long as my son can have school again. I remember arguing with him about swings in March before they closed them; I’m glad I didn’t have the heart to put my foot down. It’s only recently he’s been confident enough to climb the playground equipment, to sit on the big kid swings, to have specific friends that matter to him. I worry this won’t all come back for him.

I’m trying to re-plan my life so that it sustains this going on indefinitely, and then I get depressed about this going on indefinitely.

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