I’m not super-sensitive, but… wait.

I had a piece of mine workshopped not long ago, and while my workshop-mates are all intelligent and caring people who try very hard to give the best possible feedback, I came out of there annoyed.  Others might call it ‘upset’, but I say ‘annoyed’ because it makes me sound less precious.

In any case, after the workshop I bitched to a friend of mine about the whole thing and in describing why one of the excellent writers in my workshop was in fact an idiot, I started with the phrase “I’m not super-sensitive, but….”

This is the point where my friend laughed and pointed out that every writer says that.

I wanted to argue that no, every writer except me was an over-sensitive artiste whereas I was a consummate professional who happened to be in a workshop with an idiot, except I started laughing at myself.  Damn.

Once you’ve been through the workshop process a few times, you start taking on a bit of an attitude about feedback.  Give it to me straight, people. I want honesty. Be brutal.  I can take it.

Then we all go and quietly fume to a friend about that one person, because, I’m not super-sensitive, but….

I think we should all stop lying to ourselves about not being sensitive.  We’re writers.  Sensitivity comes with the territory.

Still, in the same workshop, another workshop-mate wrote a long polite paragraph to tell me that (paraphrase) my work was shit, and I wasn’t offended at all.  In my head, I kept thinking, Why so many words? Give it to me straight. I can take it.

So why the difference? Why am I the consummate professional with one person and a fuming artiste with another?

I think what it comes down to is that most of us are not sensitive about the things we already know are problems. Maybe we knew that as we wrote and hoped we could get away with it.  Maybe we got caught up in something fun to write and ignored it.  Maybe we just had a deep but diffuse sense of something-is-not-quite-right-here but couldn’t put our finger on exactly what.

So when someone articulates these things, it feels a bit like relief, like finding the exact right word.  You knew it, you just needed someone else to clarify it.  Sure, there’s that moment of “Why didn’t I see that and write it that way in the first place?” but at the same time, you know someone else connected with your work.  They got it.  That’s why they can see what’s not working and make you excited to work on the piece again.

The sensitive hurt feelings come, I think, when someone doesn’t get our work.  They don’t connect with it at all, they do connect with it but differently than you did, their thoughts on how to rework or revise it make no sense to us, etc.  Either way, you just don’t see eye-to-eye on the piece.

I don’t think I’ve experienced a workshop where someone was mean (though I’ve heard stories) but it’s difficult in the workshop setting to ignore a person who just doesn’t get your work.  It’s a workshop–you’re there because you know your work isn’t quite up to to par, and you’ve asked for everyone’s thoughts.  Nothing like being un-confident and asking for criticism to make yourself feel like crap.

I also don’t think it’s avoidable; no one gets everyone’s work.  That’s a good thing, since otherwise, everyone’s work would start sounding kind of the same.  Having that outside perspective is valuable, in that it will give you access to a way of seeing the work that you don’t have within yourself. Later on, you can decide if that’s information you need to use or not.  Maybe it is.  Maybe it isn’t. Immediately after the workshop probably isn’t the right time to decide.

But, yes, it will upset you, make you angry, make you doubt your work, make you feel like shit, make you fume to a friend about how you aren’t super-sensitive, but clearly, you are in a workshop with an idiot.

Hopefully, that friend will make you laugh.


5 responses to “I’m not super-sensitive, but… wait.”

  1. Haha, hope it wasn’t me, Sonal! If it was, I’m sorry. Anyway, I get where you’re coming from. It’s never easy to hear when something isn’t working because that means you have to sit down and WRITE IT AGAIN!! Agh!

    1. Oh dear. Everyone whose been in a workshop with me now wants to know if it was them. Group hug everyone!

  2. I think it is hilarious that we all now wonder which one of us is the “idiot”. LOL! What a great post. It’s true, sometimes we simply can’t help being sensitive as writers, no matter how much we want to be consummate professionals. I think that’s why it’s so important to set ground rules in workshops…it helps us all from devolving into crazy banshees rolling on the floor and pulling someone’s hair when they criticize our “baby”. No one wants to hear that their baby is ugly. But sometimes, when it comes to our writing, we need to hear it in order to push us into re-writes. PS: Ummmm…never call anyone’s actual baby ugly though, that never ends well. LOL!

    1. Absolutely ground-rules help. Even with them, however, sometimes it’s hard to start mentally picturing that other writing being torn to pieces by wolves…. well, until you have a moment to calm down.

  3. […] than actually stating it.  That’s not an unwarranted worry–as writers, we’re all super-sensitive.  But as someone who has been known to miss the point a number of times, there’s a lot to be […]

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